Gratitude

I was looking through photos this week and found our photos of the healing studio that Jon built for me to do my craniosacral work. We finished it around the holidays, which is when I got the cancer diagnosis and moved to Tucson. We haven’t been able to enjoy that space fully yet and it is calling me. Our home in the Gila is calling me. I know we will be back there soon. Here is a fun photo of the mosaic we did…yes, we cut every piece with a tile saw to fit our custom design.

Today is a good day. I have been riding the stationary bike today to get the juices flowing and breathing deeply to exercise my lungs. This body has gotten very lazy. They say two weeks to establish a good habit. I pray my lungs can keep up. I had a bit of a panicky week with the breathing. When we went in yesterday to get the left side drained, the right side showed very little fluid. That was great news! We have a consultation on Monday to talk with the doctors about the right side. For now, I will keep getting the left side drained each week until my body stops making this fluid. I pray that is now.

My cousin Vanessa was here this weekend. She gave me tons of reiki and that helped the panicky breathing immensely. She helped us cook and clean and we shared Budwig granola each morning on the porch before it hit 113. It’s hot here but the clouds are here and so the rains must be close behind. Solstice was a nice reminder to celebrate the light, the long days, the abundance of summer and the joy of gardening. I actually got my hands in the dirt today. Oh how I miss our gardens and plants.

The rivers are in full flood everywhere in the West. It makes our hearts ache that we are not in our boats enjoying the bounty of a high water year. Stories from friends keep us afloat. We love you all. One day at a time. Prayers of gratitude often.

Love, Kristin

Sacred Tools

The photo shows the Tibetan prayer beads and other tasty delights.

Last week was a challenging one. I had to go in for a procedure and it created the worst pain I have ever experienced. I woke up from my nap and the sedatives from the procedure had worn off. I couldn’t move and breathing was very difficult. I had to use every tool in the box to make it through to 8p when I started feeling a little better. As I was struggling for each breath, Jon handed me the sacred Tibetan prayer beads that Dee sent me. He said, “just feel each one.” So I felt each bead as an individual entity. As I did this, I could see each and every one of you, our dear friends and family. I could feel all the love and prayers that you send us each moment. I could feel your love in every bead. This helped me calm down as I fondled each bead for hours. Then I remembered the sand that Frank, my reiki practitioner here in Tucson, gave me. He charges it and says to put your feet in it. I sunk my toes into the sand and didn’t take them out for about 5 hours. I could feel the sand grounding me to the earth, to the land that I love so much, to the beaches in Grand Canyon, to the ocean and coastlines of the world. These tools helped me make it through an intense day. I recovered well after that and have been feeling good since then. I am so grateful.

One focus for me right now is my digestion. The narcotics I use for pain cause terrible nausea. This week I feel like I had some success with finding two pills that help pain and nausea while also minimizing constipation and side effects. This means I can eat more food more often. Food is good. I also had an incredible nutritional consultation, which led to a very simple diet for 2 weeks to help heal my gut. It is definitely working. I am so grateful. Vomiting is not really that fun.

This weekend Marc, mom and Jon’s mom were here while Jon took a few days to go to the Gila. They helped me make several yummy delights. Homemade granola, chicken broth, veggie soup, vegan mac n’cheese, gluten free banana bread and chicken calabacita enchiladas. I had some bites of enchilada but those we made for Marc’s birthday. I coached him through the process of making homemade red chile sauce and delicious enchiladas. I wanted to eat the whole pan they were so yummy. I’ll be back to eating chile again soon I hope.

Thank you all for your love, prayers, cards and emails. We look forward to sharing wonderful adventures again soon. Enjoy some of those full rivers for us. We miss them so. Anyone coming to Flagstaff from Salt Lake or Park City this summer? Jon bought a plasma cutter and it is in Park City but could easily be brought to Salt Lake. It is a small machine and it needs a ride. If anyone can transport it, please email me at Kristin.Huisinga@nau.edu

I love you all,

Kristin

Qigong: Building Energy to Heal

Hello beautiful friends and family,

It is summer here is Tucson. Daytime temps have regularly been around 100 degrees. Thank goodness for air conditioning. Jon usually goes for walks in the early morning before it warms up. He brings stories, photos and cuttings of all the plants in bloom back with him. The saguaros are still blooming (photo).  Today, there were clouds and a lovely evening breeze that made the porch a divine place to be for sunset and stars.  A friend Amelia and I soaked up every moment.

Jon and I have had more visitors in the last two weeks because my breathing has gotten so much better with the left lung draining. We have weekly appointments to at least have an evaluation. This week has been my best, so my hope is that there is a clearness that hasn’t been there the last 3 times we have viewed the lung and fluid on ultrasound.

I continue to feel better and better. I have good energy for cooking and doing my daily therapies. I am able to ride the stationary bike some and do qigong movements. My stomach is mostly settled and my appetite is good. I ate a salad this week for the first time in over a month. My body did well with the rawness of it. If I do get shortness of breath, it is shorter-liver and less desperate that in weeks past. I am so grateful for all of these good feelings.

My cousin Rachel was here last week. We had an amazing time telling stories, but not too much, and just being together. She taught me my first qigong (CHEE GONG) movements and meditations. Dad’s cousin, Nancy taught us more qigong on Skype this week. It is truly incredible that such simple movements create energy that is palpable in just a few seconds or minutes. I love all the movements and their unique names: three ta tien, microcosmic orbit, spinning the egg, shaking, knocking the door of life. My favorite name and movement is dog wags tail. Nancy explained the movement saying that all animals have a side-to-side tail wagging movement, which humans rarely do. It feels amazing. Rachel shared that medical qigong survived the Mao Zedong regime in China only in secret. Tai chi became the accepted form of qigong and many medical applications were lost. Qigong truly is bringing life back into me. It is magic!

We have a lot of family coming in the next few weeks. I am so grateful to have the energy to visit and enjoy their company. Marc, mom and dad, mom Harned, cousin Vanessa, Jon’s dad Rich and Pauline.

I love you all and am grateful for your cards, love, texts, emails and support. Jocelyn sent me an amazing card. In it, she recounted over 20 of her favorite memories of our friendship. This was so much fun to revisit our time together and remember times that I had forgotten. Jon and I ask that if you do send cards, please don’t send any “things.” We are trying to keep it simple and if we need something, we will ask. Thank you!

Love, Kristin

Horizontal

Hello beautiful people,

I am so grateful for the last four days. I have had the four best days that I have had in months. Less pain. Stomach settled. More energy. I can breathe. Doing a little exercise. I actually feel like Kristin again. I have energy to be in touch with people. I have inspiration. I am intensely hungry for delicious food. Jon made an amazing kale salad from our greenhouse kale that Jane brought from our house last week. These days are a huge blessing.

I am not yet sleeping fully horizontal but I have moved back to the bed from the upright chair where I have been “sleeping” for the past 2-3 weeks. The bed is much cushier and a 45 degree angle is better than upright. I am grateful for this progress as well.

My cousin Rachel is visiting this week and I am hoping to learn some more qigong from her. In China, people with cancer use qigong to heal. I know more mobility is what I need.

Thank you all so much for your love and support.

Love, Kristin

Breathing

Hello beautiful people,

It has been a difficult time for Jon and I. The state of my lungs and breathing during last four weeks have brought huge levels of anxiety and uncertainty each day. There were many days where I spent the whole day gasping with an oxygen mask just to breathe, never able to feel like I was getting enough air. We sought outatient help at the University Hospital thanks to our dear doctor friend Leila. Thank you Leila. I have had four procedures to drain fluid from my lungs and am now feeling more stable. The last few days I have been able to breathe much better. I am so grateful for this huge blessing.

The mind is so powerful. Apparently it is a common response to feel anxiety when you even perceive that  you aren’t getting a full breath. I am working with this today. My doctor says morphine helps calm the brain but when it is not needed for pain, but it seems silly to eat morphine just to calm the brain. Gotu kola helps so I am dosing on that. A little qigong helped today.

I am grateful to be emerging from the four week storm of unpredictability with my lungs. From here, we shall gently continue down the path of healing, intuiting along the way what is beneficial and what is not.

Has anyone tried the Budwig Museli (granola and fruit mixed with cottage cheese and flaxoil mixture)? It is delicious and is quite possibly the simplest, tastiest food that will improve our cells and overall health. Here is the recipe:

http://www.budwigcenter.com/linseed-oil-cottage-chesse-help-tackle-50-common-illnesses/#.WRYry9y1vIU

Budwig blog shares this testimonial that I find very interesting.

“On August 1, 1995, a friend of my son’s told me his sister, who had majored in cytology at a Wisconsin college, told him that during her class work she had studied cells from the bodies of people who had used Flax oil and those cells were covered with a fatty, protective covering that didn’t allow the cells to be invaded and they were healthy. Then she studied cells from the bodies of people with cancer and those cells had either no covering at all or it was very thin. The difference was so pronounced that she began using Flax oil herself right away.”  http://www.whale.to/a/beckwith.html

It really is delicious. Love you all. Thank you.

Kristin

Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len

Wow, what timing! I found this handout from one of my doctors this morning. It describes Joe Vitale’s interview with Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len that describes ho’oponopono with more detail (from Vitale’s book Zero Limits):

 Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life—simply because it is in your life—is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy—anything you experience and don’t like—is up for you to heal. They don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with you, and to change them, you have to change you.

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho’oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone—even a mentally ill criminal—you do it by healing you.

I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients’ files?

“I just kept saying, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again,” he explained.

That’s it?

That’s it.

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world.

Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent me advice about how to live my life. This time, I decided to try Dr. Len’s method. I kept silently saying, “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” I didn’t say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance.

Within an hour I got an email from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn’t take any outward action to get that apology. I didn’t even write him back. Yet, by saying “I love you,” I somehow healed within me what was creating him.

In short, Dr. Len says there is no out there. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there’s only one place to look: inside you. And when you look, do it with love.

Love, Kristin

Ho’oponopono

Hello beautiful people,

Picture is a painting I am working on. Feels good to have my watercolors out.

My whole family was here in Tucson this weekend. It was rough. I couldn’t breathe well and two games of cards tired me out. Yikes! Mom and Marc are the newest cribbage players in the family. I learned from Jon’s family. Fun game. It was lovely time with them regardless.

We had a scheduled appointment on Monday for a thoracentesis, which is the procedure where they drain the lungs. It went much smoother this time. No ER. No oncologists. No CT scan. Just a “lung mechanic” to drain the fluid. One ultrasound and one chest xray to make sure the lung did well. Our nurse Chris was amazing. Doctor did a good job, draining much slower than last time and causing less pain. Still sore today. Our dear friend Leila set up the entire day and we are so grateful for her love and care. Our angel. The radiologist drained another 1.5 liters. Still shocking. They also did a blood test. Good news. My platelet numbers are down from 513 to 363 in 11 days, which is a sign of less inflammation. I am hoping less inflammation means less fluid and fewer visits to the doctor. We have a follow-up appointment with the radiologist Monday to check the status of my lungs.

Like last time, I can breathe much better. My appetite improved immediately and I even ate some vegetables yesterday and today. All good improvements.

I have been practicing various forms of meditation. The one I love now is a Hawaiian practice called ho’oponopono. HOE-O-PONO-PONO. It is fascinating to read about. http://www.positive-living-now.com/four-simple-phrases-that-change-everything/

I use it when I feel negativity toward someone or a situation or when any feeling that is not beneficial comes up. It works well in hospitals. The idea is that everyone and everything shows up in our life because we manifest it. People irritating us is our creation. Situations that distress us is our creation. The way we change this is to work on improving ourselves (not our first instinct in our go-get-em world). The four phrases are:

I love you

I am sorry

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

Ho’oponopono brings peace. It brings calm because I know there is always something to improve in myself. These phrases are a gift because I know that no one is to blame. I know that fewer negative feelings means great healing.

I love you. Thank you. Kristin

God Winks and Angels Everywhere

Hello beautiful friends, family, dear ones,

 

Clearly this photo is not from Tucson in April. I post it here to remind me that I WILL be skiing, hiking, boating, thriving again soon.

I believe that everyone that shows up in our lives is brought for a reason. Every alignment that occurs is just as it should be. Some people call these coincidences. Others synchronicities. Rita calls them God Winks. I like this. We have been surrounded by these alignments every step of this journey. Tom the window washer affirmed that magic is all around us and that the angels are here.

Jon and I have been in Tucson for 2 weeks. We move to another house on Monday. James and Inez are letting us stay in their house indefinitely, as they return to Ontario on Monday where they spend the summer. James and Inez are angels. We just met them a month ago and they offered their house to us like we were old family friends. What a huge gift from two beautiful people. Jon and I are so grateful.

Mom and dad are here for Easter so they will help Jon move, for which I am also grateful. I am little help in the lifting, packing, cleaning department. My energy has been super low. The cough persists. And most of all, I haven’t been able to breathe well for two weeks. This also makes talking difficult. Overall I feel pretty crummy most of every day with an average of one day per week where I feel human. Sleeping is interesting, usually in a sitting up and face down position on a stack of 4 pillows, which helps the coughing. Less than fulfilling, although I manage to have dreams in the periods of sleep. Even with these challenges, I am managing to stick to the Budwig-Cellect Protocol (see cancertutor.com for details) but only with the support of Jon and other visitors like Joan, Doug, Monica and mom and dad. I would be nothing without all of your help. Thank you! I am taking a break on IVs for now so I can really feel the effects of the new protocol.

One big improvement this week came after 12 hours in the ER. Tests and waiting to speak with the doctor about the result of each test filled most of the 12 hours. Finally, at 8am, I was wheeled into the ultrasound room. Katie, a sweet nurse, explained the thoracentesis procedure. She did the ultrasound and determined there was a lot of fluid to be drained from my right pleural space (outside the lung but inside the chest wall). The previous tests showed the same thing. The radiologist inserted a tiny needle at the base of my ribcage on my back and began draining the fluid. It didn’t really hurt until the end, when there was some cramping. I asked Katie to see the liquid. It was yellowish but that was not the shocking part. I know in my mind what a liter of fluid is (think Nalgene water bottle), but when she held that bottle up to show me, I was SHOCKED. She drained 1.5 LITERS of fluid. This fluid was pressing on my lung, which left only 25% capacity for breathing. I was sore the rest of the day but overall the breathing has improved. Not perfect because I am still coughing. However, much improved. The whole experience was epic, as the ER can be it seems.

I realize that this is not the greatest news but it is the real picture my life at this point. Stay healthy everyone. We will have a new address soon but mail can also be sent to mom and dad at 1745 E. Knox Rd, Tempe, AZ  85284.

I love you all of you special people. Thank you for your unending support, love, and prayers.

Kristin

Warm Desert Air

Hello beautiful people,

Jon and I are back in Phoenix now. It feels good to be in a drier climate. It also feels energetically like the right place to be for now. We will be in Phoenix through the weekend, as we have family coming to visit. Then we will move into a vacation rental for a few weeks in Tucson, starting on Sunday.

I want to share a website that we found about advanced cancer treatments. It is very interesting and hopeful. The ebook details the special considerations for advanced cancer that are not necessarily part of the picture with earlier stage cancer. Check it out if you want: https://www.cancertutor.com/checkfast/

Even though I don’t feel great at the moment, I know that I will soon. Thank you for all of your prayers, support and love. This photo is of the street side library in Santa Rosa. Love, Kristin and Jon

Whales and Seals

Yesterday Jon and I journeyed west to the confluence of the Russian River and the Pacific Ocean. The river was brown from the recent rains. It is raining again today. We saw about 200 Harbor Seals at their birthing area right at the confluence and spotted a whale spouting off shore. Magic! Tomorrow, I will have my final ozone and IV treatments here in Santa Rosa and we will complete a training for using a home ozone machine. Jon’s brother, Tom, will be here and offered to help clean the house we rented for the month. Thank you Tom and Jon for cleaning!

It is difficult to believe that we have been here a month and that it is the end of March already. I am hoping the dry climate will heal up my lungs quickly and that increased oxygen and easier breathing will speed my recovery. Thank you all for your love and prayers and support. We love you dearly, Kristin and Jon