Five Invitations

I’ll be here at Wukoki again soon (northern Arizona). I miss being outside! I miss my gardens!

It’s been about 10 days since I got the chest tube removed. I am free! It was a rough 3 days of discomfort after the procedure. The doctor who removed the tube put me on 5 days of antibiotics, which I think helped get rid of an underlying infection that was sapping my energy. Many signs tell me that my body is in better balance than before. I am so grateful for these improvements over that last 5 days. The swelling in my legs has resolved, which makes for easier walking, moving, and sitting. I have a huge appetite. My digestion is good. I am sleeping pretty well, and even though I wake up a lot, I am able to fall back asleep. There is no fluid in the right lung!!! This is fantastic. My goal now is the left lung. It is still filling with fluid. That is my prayer, to have clear lungs, to remove the need for going to the hospital for procedures every week. Then I can wean off the oxygen. My prayer is that we will be going home soon.

There is an incredible book I have been listening too. The Five Invitations: What Dying can teach us about living. Frank Ostaseski wrote it and he is the founder of hospice. He has been with thousands of people during their death and is an incredible human. His book has so much great wisdom in it. I think many of you would love it. One of the things that resonated was the idea of caregiving. He says he likes the term service better. Service, he says, speaks to the depth of the heart’s intention, knowing that the act is always mutually beneficial. He says, when we “help” someone, we see life as weak. When we “fix” someone, we see life as broken. But when we “serve” someone, we see life as whole. We understand that the person has all of the resources inside of them. In serving, we are the listening presence. I am in deep gratitude for Jon who is doing so much to facilitate my wellness. Only with Jon’s tender care can I make it through each day. Thank you Jon for all you do for me each and every day.

I love all of you. It has been 5 days now of feeling pretty good. I even did some watercolor painting yesterday. Hoping for miracles from here on. Thank you for your love, prayer, and support! Love, kristin

Movement

The photo is the view from our patio. I am so grateful for the blessing from James and Inez to stay in their home in Tucson. I am so grateful for Jon who takes incredible care. I am so grateful for my family who loves me and supports my every step. I am so grateful for all of you who love me and send me beautiful cards and emails. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be alive. Thank you Thank you Thank you.

My body craves movement. I have another procedure to help my lungs on Thursday. I hope the procedure will free up some movement in my upper body. There has been a tube there for over 8 weeks to help drain the right lung of fluid. The fluid is now thick, less in volume and not draining from the tube. So it seems it is time for the tube to come out. Freedom!!!!! It could be painful but I am envisioning smooth, easy, fast recovery. Please join with me at 11am on Thursday morning until about 1pm to say prayers and send healing energy. I know our collective energy will ease the transition back to my free lungs.

Thank you all so much for your intensive prayers this past week. They helped me so much! My girlfriend Melissa and Kendra were here this weekend. They choreographed a beautiful dance for me to a fun song that included yoga and twirling dance. It was fun and they made me smile all weekend. Visitors are wonderful and tiring at the same time so I took lots of naps. My dad’s cousin Nancy also taught me some more qigong this week to increase my movement.

I had a healing session with Kimberly Meredith (www.trilogyhealing.com) last week and she helped me with a new diet. She had a head injury that left her with the ability to speak with God and the angels directly. Her abilities are truly incredible. Check her out, as her sessions are very reasonably priced. She is based in L.A. area. My new diet is void of dairy until my lungs clear up so I am taking a break on the Budwig. But still going strong on Cellect powder. When we asked Spirit about Cellect, she heard “God, God, God.” That is powerful medicine! It is nice to have some new foods.

I love you all. Kristin

Milagros. Miracles.

My sweet friend Quinn sent me photos this week of this divine swimming hole in the upper reaches of the Gila River where we live. This is several miles from our house but still close enough to hike and ride mules too. They rode mules and swam exuberantly. I dream of being in this place and other places like it very soon.

I am calling for help. I need all your prayers. I had such a hard weekend with breathing again. And then had procedures Monday and Tuesday. Monday I was in hospital as an outpatient in a room where they injected a substance to break up fibrous tissue in the pleural space. I have loculations in there, which are sections created by fibrous tissue. With the loculations broken up by this substance, the fluid can drain more easily. I worked that day and I drained 1 liter from the right side lung. Tuesday the left side was drained. I was struggling over the weekend because there were 2 liters of fluid in my lungs. Yikes!

I am continuing to treat the cancer process with the Budwig Cellect. It is a slow steady improvement but these lungs just continue to struggle. I really need to turn a corner on this. And I need your help. The power of prayer is so incredible. Can we all pray together? I know you are all praying. So now let’s pray together.

What I need is a miracle. I am putting everything I have into healing and frankly, I am exhausted. Today I am grateful because I can make some of my own food. I have a little energy to do some qigong. Monday and Tuesday took so much out of me. I am still trying to rest a lot.

I give thanks for my many blessings. For the health that I do have. For the abundance of delicious food to make me well. For the abundance of love from my incredible community of family and friends. For the sun and moon and rivers and birds and creatures and plants of this world that bring us life and diversity. For the earth and all of its abundance. For my incredible husband Jon who cares for me and loves me so much. For life and the great start that I was born with. For my strength and determination. For this opportunity to be alive.

I pray for a miracle to help me thrive. To feel each day like I am fully alive. For a settled stomach and easy of movement. For a turn around the corner that makes each day easier to make it through. Please help me. Please help me.

I love you. Kristin

Gratitude

I was looking through photos this week and found our photos of the healing studio that Jon built for me to do my craniosacral work. We finished it around the holidays, which is when I got the cancer diagnosis and moved to Tucson. We haven’t been able to enjoy that space fully yet and it is calling me. Our home in the Gila is calling me. I know we will be back there soon. Here is a fun photo of the mosaic we did…yes, we cut every piece with a tile saw to fit our custom design.

Today is a good day. I have been riding the stationary bike today to get the juices flowing and breathing deeply to exercise my lungs. This body has gotten very lazy. They say two weeks to establish a good habit. I pray my lungs can keep up. I had a bit of a panicky week with the breathing. When we went in yesterday to get the left side drained, the right side showed very little fluid. That was great news! We have a consultation on Monday to talk with the doctors about the right side. For now, I will keep getting the left side drained each week until my body stops making this fluid. I pray that is now.

My cousin Vanessa was here this weekend. She gave me tons of reiki and that helped the panicky breathing immensely. She helped us cook and clean and we shared Budwig granola each morning on the porch before it hit 113. It’s hot here but the clouds are here and so the rains must be close behind. Solstice was a nice reminder to celebrate the light, the long days, the abundance of summer and the joy of gardening. I actually got my hands in the dirt today. Oh how I miss our gardens and plants.

The rivers are in full flood everywhere in the West. It makes our hearts ache that we are not in our boats enjoying the bounty of a high water year. Stories from friends keep us afloat. We love you all. One day at a time. Prayers of gratitude often.

Love, Kristin

Sacred Tools

The photo shows the Tibetan prayer beads and other tasty delights.

Last week was a challenging one. I had to go in for a procedure and it created the worst pain I have ever experienced. I woke up from my nap and the sedatives from the procedure had worn off. I couldn’t move and breathing was very difficult. I had to use every tool in the box to make it through to 8p when I started feeling a little better. As I was struggling for each breath, Jon handed me the sacred Tibetan prayer beads that Dee sent me. He said, “just feel each one.” So I felt each bead as an individual entity. As I did this, I could see each and every one of you, our dear friends and family. I could feel all the love and prayers that you send us each moment. I could feel your love in every bead. This helped me calm down as I fondled each bead for hours. Then I remembered the sand that Frank, my reiki practitioner here in Tucson, gave me. He charges it and says to put your feet in it. I sunk my toes into the sand and didn’t take them out for about 5 hours. I could feel the sand grounding me to the earth, to the land that I love so much, to the beaches in Grand Canyon, to the ocean and coastlines of the world. These tools helped me make it through an intense day. I recovered well after that and have been feeling good since then. I am so grateful.

One focus for me right now is my digestion. The narcotics I use for pain cause terrible nausea. This week I feel like I had some success with finding two pills that help pain and nausea while also minimizing constipation and side effects. This means I can eat more food more often. Food is good. I also had an incredible nutritional consultation, which led to a very simple diet for 2 weeks to help heal my gut. It is definitely working. I am so grateful. Vomiting is not really that fun.

This weekend Marc, mom and Jon’s mom were here while Jon took a few days to go to the Gila. They helped me make several yummy delights. Homemade granola, chicken broth, veggie soup, vegan mac n’cheese, gluten free banana bread and chicken calabacita enchiladas. I had some bites of enchilada but those we made for Marc’s birthday. I coached him through the process of making homemade red chile sauce and delicious enchiladas. I wanted to eat the whole pan they were so yummy. I’ll be back to eating chile again soon I hope.

Thank you all for your love, prayers, cards and emails. We look forward to sharing wonderful adventures again soon. Enjoy some of those full rivers for us. We miss them so. Anyone coming to Flagstaff from Salt Lake or Park City this summer? Jon bought a plasma cutter and it is in Park City but could easily be brought to Salt Lake. It is a small machine and it needs a ride. If anyone can transport it, please email me at Kristin.Huisinga@nau.edu

I love you all,

Kristin

Qigong: Building Energy to Heal

Hello beautiful friends and family,

It is summer here is Tucson. Daytime temps have regularly been around 100 degrees. Thank goodness for air conditioning. Jon usually goes for walks in the early morning before it warms up. He brings stories, photos and cuttings of all the plants in bloom back with him. The saguaros are still blooming (photo).  Today, there were clouds and a lovely evening breeze that made the porch a divine place to be for sunset and stars.  A friend Amelia and I soaked up every moment.

Jon and I have had more visitors in the last two weeks because my breathing has gotten so much better with the left lung draining. We have weekly appointments to at least have an evaluation. This week has been my best, so my hope is that there is a clearness that hasn’t been there the last 3 times we have viewed the lung and fluid on ultrasound.

I continue to feel better and better. I have good energy for cooking and doing my daily therapies. I am able to ride the stationary bike some and do qigong movements. My stomach is mostly settled and my appetite is good. I ate a salad this week for the first time in over a month. My body did well with the rawness of it. If I do get shortness of breath, it is shorter-liver and less desperate that in weeks past. I am so grateful for all of these good feelings.

My cousin Rachel was here last week. We had an amazing time telling stories, but not too much, and just being together. She taught me my first qigong (CHEE GONG) movements and meditations. Dad’s cousin, Nancy taught us more qigong on Skype this week. It is truly incredible that such simple movements create energy that is palpable in just a few seconds or minutes. I love all the movements and their unique names: three ta tien, microcosmic orbit, spinning the egg, shaking, knocking the door of life. My favorite name and movement is dog wags tail. Nancy explained the movement saying that all animals have a side-to-side tail wagging movement, which humans rarely do. It feels amazing. Rachel shared that medical qigong survived the Mao Zedong regime in China only in secret. Tai chi became the accepted form of qigong and many medical applications were lost. Qigong truly is bringing life back into me. It is magic!

We have a lot of family coming in the next few weeks. I am so grateful to have the energy to visit and enjoy their company. Marc, mom and dad, mom Harned, cousin Vanessa, Jon’s dad Rich and Pauline.

I love you all and am grateful for your cards, love, texts, emails and support. Jocelyn sent me an amazing card. In it, she recounted over 20 of her favorite memories of our friendship. This was so much fun to revisit our time together and remember times that I had forgotten. Jon and I ask that if you do send cards, please don’t send any “things.” We are trying to keep it simple and if we need something, we will ask. Thank you!

Love, Kristin

Horizontal

Hello beautiful people,

I am so grateful for the last four days. I have had the four best days that I have had in months. Less pain. Stomach settled. More energy. I can breathe. Doing a little exercise. I actually feel like Kristin again. I have energy to be in touch with people. I have inspiration. I am intensely hungry for delicious food. Jon made an amazing kale salad from our greenhouse kale that Jane brought from our house last week. These days are a huge blessing.

I am not yet sleeping fully horizontal but I have moved back to the bed from the upright chair where I have been “sleeping” for the past 2-3 weeks. The bed is much cushier and a 45 degree angle is better than upright. I am grateful for this progress as well.

My cousin Rachel is visiting this week and I am hoping to learn some more qigong from her. In China, people with cancer use qigong to heal. I know more mobility is what I need.

Thank you all so much for your love and support.

Love, Kristin

Breathing

Hello beautiful people,

It has been a difficult time for Jon and I. The state of my lungs and breathing during last four weeks have brought huge levels of anxiety and uncertainty each day. There were many days where I spent the whole day gasping with an oxygen mask just to breathe, never able to feel like I was getting enough air. We sought outatient help at the University Hospital thanks to our dear doctor friend Leila. Thank you Leila. I have had four procedures to drain fluid from my lungs and am now feeling more stable. The last few days I have been able to breathe much better. I am so grateful for this huge blessing.

The mind is so powerful. Apparently it is a common response to feel anxiety when you even perceive that  you aren’t getting a full breath. I am working with this today. My doctor says morphine helps calm the brain but when it is not needed for pain, but it seems silly to eat morphine just to calm the brain. Gotu kola helps so I am dosing on that. A little qigong helped today.

I am grateful to be emerging from the four week storm of unpredictability with my lungs. From here, we shall gently continue down the path of healing, intuiting along the way what is beneficial and what is not.

Has anyone tried the Budwig Museli (granola and fruit mixed with cottage cheese and flaxoil mixture)? It is delicious and is quite possibly the simplest, tastiest food that will improve our cells and overall health. Here is the recipe:

http://www.budwigcenter.com/linseed-oil-cottage-chesse-help-tackle-50-common-illnesses/#.WRYry9y1vIU

Budwig blog shares this testimonial that I find very interesting.

“On August 1, 1995, a friend of my son’s told me his sister, who had majored in cytology at a Wisconsin college, told him that during her class work she had studied cells from the bodies of people who had used Flax oil and those cells were covered with a fatty, protective covering that didn’t allow the cells to be invaded and they were healthy. Then she studied cells from the bodies of people with cancer and those cells had either no covering at all or it was very thin. The difference was so pronounced that she began using Flax oil herself right away.”  http://www.whale.to/a/beckwith.html

It really is delicious. Love you all. Thank you.

Kristin

Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len

Wow, what timing! I found this handout from one of my doctors this morning. It describes Joe Vitale’s interview with Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len that describes ho’oponopono with more detail (from Vitale’s book Zero Limits):

 Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life—simply because it is in your life—is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy—anything you experience and don’t like—is up for you to heal. They don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with you, and to change them, you have to change you.

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho’oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone—even a mentally ill criminal—you do it by healing you.

I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients’ files?

“I just kept saying, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again,” he explained.

That’s it?

That’s it.

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world.

Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent me advice about how to live my life. This time, I decided to try Dr. Len’s method. I kept silently saying, “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” I didn’t say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance.

Within an hour I got an email from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn’t take any outward action to get that apology. I didn’t even write him back. Yet, by saying “I love you,” I somehow healed within me what was creating him.

In short, Dr. Len says there is no out there. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there’s only one place to look: inside you. And when you look, do it with love.

Love, Kristin

Ho’oponopono

Hello beautiful people,

Picture is a painting I am working on. Feels good to have my watercolors out.

My whole family was here in Tucson this weekend. It was rough. I couldn’t breathe well and two games of cards tired me out. Yikes! Mom and Marc are the newest cribbage players in the family. I learned from Jon’s family. Fun game. It was lovely time with them regardless.

We had a scheduled appointment on Monday for a thoracentesis, which is the procedure where they drain the lungs. It went much smoother this time. No ER. No oncologists. No CT scan. Just a “lung mechanic” to drain the fluid. One ultrasound and one chest xray to make sure the lung did well. Our nurse Chris was amazing. Doctor did a good job, draining much slower than last time and causing less pain. Still sore today. Our dear friend Leila set up the entire day and we are so grateful for her love and care. Our angel. The radiologist drained another 1.5 liters. Still shocking. They also did a blood test. Good news. My platelet numbers are down from 513 to 363 in 11 days, which is a sign of less inflammation. I am hoping less inflammation means less fluid and fewer visits to the doctor. We have a follow-up appointment with the radiologist Monday to check the status of my lungs.

Like last time, I can breathe much better. My appetite improved immediately and I even ate some vegetables yesterday and today. All good improvements.

I have been practicing various forms of meditation. The one I love now is a Hawaiian practice called ho’oponopono. HOE-O-PONO-PONO. It is fascinating to read about. http://www.positive-living-now.com/four-simple-phrases-that-change-everything/

I use it when I feel negativity toward someone or a situation or when any feeling that is not beneficial comes up. It works well in hospitals. The idea is that everyone and everything shows up in our life because we manifest it. People irritating us is our creation. Situations that distress us is our creation. The way we change this is to work on improving ourselves (not our first instinct in our go-get-em world). The four phrases are:

I love you

I am sorry

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

Ho’oponopono brings peace. It brings calm because I know there is always something to improve in myself. These phrases are a gift because I know that no one is to blame. I know that fewer negative feelings means great healing.

I love you. Thank you. Kristin